Post by flyingwelshman on Jan 25, 2008 8:22:29 GMT 1
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The
ceremony
wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jump lead walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you,
but
don't start anything."
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:
"A
beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this
taste
funny to you?"
7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"Well, It's Not Unusual"."
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to
Dolly,
"I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you,"
says
Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to
look at either.
10. DejaMoo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
find
any.
12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and
says
"Dam!"
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
the
craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have
your
kayak and heat it too.
17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing
in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour,
the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But
why?,"
they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand
chess-nuts
boasting in an open foyer."
18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes
to a
family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in
Spain;
they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to
his
birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she
wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're
twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little,
which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad
breath. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)..... A super
calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to
his/her friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make
them
laugh. No pun in ten did.
21. A man has been found dead in an ice cream van covered in hundreds and thousands. Police think he topped himself.
ceremony
wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jump lead walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you,
but
don't start anything."
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:
"A
beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this
taste
funny to you?"
7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"Well, It's Not Unusual"."
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to
Dolly,
"I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you,"
says
Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to
look at either.
10. DejaMoo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
find
any.
12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and
says
"Dam!"
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
the
craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have
your
kayak and heat it too.
17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing
in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour,
the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But
why?,"
they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand
chess-nuts
boasting in an open foyer."
18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes
to a
family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in
Spain;
they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to
his
birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she
wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're
twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little,
which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad
breath. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)..... A super
calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to
his/her friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make
them
laugh. No pun in ten did.
21. A man has been found dead in an ice cream van covered in hundreds and thousands. Police think he topped himself.