Post by autumnwolf on Oct 2, 2007 9:55:17 GMT 1
meh ... sorry about this but I need to purge
urgh, feel like crap atm. Last week saw the mother of all flu bugs hit me. Temperature went into violent mood swings, everything ached and I missed the full moon ritual at the GW to boot.
OK so I'm feeling better, but stuff keeps on happening. Now, tbh this seems like something petty, but when I'm down I look for things to cheer me up. A friend recently lent me an old Japanese Gojira (Godzilla) movie. Now this brought back all sorts of memories. The whole spectacle of a man in a rubber suit stomping on perfect scale models of Japanese landmarks makes me smile.
So I decide to buy a box set to help me through the long months of winter. 8 films featuring the Big Radioactive G (plus the American one). Ready to 'test' the films I find that they are region 1 (American) and won't play on my DVD player. So I have to buy a special DVD player to play them on. grr. Now I'm waiting for the said new DVD player while I pitifully paw at my unwatchable films.
But all of this is filler ...
I am bored at work. The nights are drawing in and I can feel the edges of my depressive phase tugging at me. I'm stuck all day on a reception, unable to take a break or leave my post until lunch time. I tried to organize breaks and such, but no-one turned up until nearly lunchtime most times anyways. So I sit here with nothing to stimulate my brain but half an internet connection (stupid filters) and my own imagination. I feel wasted here.
Here's how it is ... When we were moved from one end of the building to the other we were promised a new reception area and I wouldn't have to work off laptops etc...
That was in Feb, now it is October and the promised reception (promised for end of August) has yet to arrive. Now I am being promised help on Reception. With two people here it makes the whole situation better, we can get out and about, do all the jobs I've wanted to do since I got here. It'd be perfect.
Thing is I don't believe them. And with the wheel turning I feel that starting to fester and curdle and become what I don't want to happen. I've worked so damned hard to claw myself back from the edge of despair and self hatred. OK I still despair from time to time and I now only despise myself as opposed to out and out hate, but I don't want to walk away because this is good. I have a job that is better than any I've ever had and with some very small changes it could be even better.
Anyhoo, thanks for giving me the space to write this selfish and self indulgent drivel. I'll go hide now ...
urgh, feel like crap atm. Last week saw the mother of all flu bugs hit me. Temperature went into violent mood swings, everything ached and I missed the full moon ritual at the GW to boot.
OK so I'm feeling better, but stuff keeps on happening. Now, tbh this seems like something petty, but when I'm down I look for things to cheer me up. A friend recently lent me an old Japanese Gojira (Godzilla) movie. Now this brought back all sorts of memories. The whole spectacle of a man in a rubber suit stomping on perfect scale models of Japanese landmarks makes me smile.
So I decide to buy a box set to help me through the long months of winter. 8 films featuring the Big Radioactive G (plus the American one). Ready to 'test' the films I find that they are region 1 (American) and won't play on my DVD player. So I have to buy a special DVD player to play them on. grr. Now I'm waiting for the said new DVD player while I pitifully paw at my unwatchable films.
But all of this is filler ...
I am bored at work. The nights are drawing in and I can feel the edges of my depressive phase tugging at me. I'm stuck all day on a reception, unable to take a break or leave my post until lunch time. I tried to organize breaks and such, but no-one turned up until nearly lunchtime most times anyways. So I sit here with nothing to stimulate my brain but half an internet connection (stupid filters) and my own imagination. I feel wasted here.
Here's how it is ... When we were moved from one end of the building to the other we were promised a new reception area and I wouldn't have to work off laptops etc...
That was in Feb, now it is October and the promised reception (promised for end of August) has yet to arrive. Now I am being promised help on Reception. With two people here it makes the whole situation better, we can get out and about, do all the jobs I've wanted to do since I got here. It'd be perfect.
Thing is I don't believe them. And with the wheel turning I feel that starting to fester and curdle and become what I don't want to happen. I've worked so damned hard to claw myself back from the edge of despair and self hatred. OK I still despair from time to time and I now only despise myself as opposed to out and out hate, but I don't want to walk away because this is good. I have a job that is better than any I've ever had and with some very small changes it could be even better.
Anyhoo, thanks for giving me the space to write this selfish and self indulgent drivel. I'll go hide now ...
