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Post by ursus on May 10, 2004 18:59:21 GMT 1
HOWS THIS TO START WITH? How many Druids does it take to change a light bulb? A: Thirteen; one to hold the bulb, and twelve to drink enough to make the room spin.  Add some more............. ursus |
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Post by ursus on May 10, 2004 19:00:54 GMT 1
No2
How many Thelemites does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Crowley never wrote a book about it.
Its only a joke!!!!
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Post by TheWatcher© on May 10, 2004 22:49:34 GMT 1
The Infamous Pagan Lightbulb Jokes!
How many Dianic Wiccans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
> Just one, and it's NOT FUNNY!!!
How many Dianics does it take to change a light bulb?
> (any large number here) -- One to change the light bulb, one to prepare the environmental impact statement, and the rest to do a self-criticism afterwards...
How many years does it take a Dianic Wiccan to change a lightbulb?
> You can change it whenever you are empowered to do so.
How many years does it take a Dianic Wiccan to change a lightbulb?
> Not sure.....we'll call Z. Bhudapest and get back to you!
How many Druids does it take to change a lightbulb?
> 501. One to change the bulb and 500 to align the new stone.
How many Druids does it take to change a lightbulb?
> They don't screw in lightbulbs, they screw in Stone Circles.
How many Druids does it take to change a lightbulb?
> One to hold the bulb and 12 to drink enough to make the room spin.
How many years does it take a Druid to change a lightbulb?
> 21, unless you're Irish.
How many Isians does it take to change a light bulb?
> Three. One to change the lightbulb, one to handle publicity, and one to write the newsletter.
How many Family traditionalists does it take to change a light bulb?
> Candle light was good enough for our ancestors, it's good enough for us!
How many Fam-Trads does it take to change a light bulb?
> Ask your OWN grandmother!
How many Brit.Trad Witches does it take to change a light bulb?
> 13. One to change the bulb, and 12 to mourn the passing of the old bulb.
How many Gardnerian witches does it take to change a light bulb?
> (in a low ominous tone) "Why do you want to know...initiate?"
How many Gardnerian witches does it take to change a light bulb?
> It's a third degree secret.
How many years does it take a Gardnerian witch to change a light bulb?
> A year and A day in an Outer Grove, a year and a day at first level, a year and a day at second level, but only third levels change light bulbs.
How many Alexandrian witches does it take to change a light bulb?
> "Lets go see how the Gardnerians do it!"
How many years does it take an Alexandrian witch to change a light bulb?
> That's the Maiden's Job. Maiden - Make it so.
How many Starhawk witches does it take to change a light bulb?
> (plaintevely) "There are starving villages in Africa that don't even HAVE light bulbs..."
How many years does it take a Starhawk witch to change a light bulb?
> Well, it depends how hard you study, but you can do it now if you are solitary.
How many solitary witches does it take to change a light bulb?
> (if they actually ask 'how many?', drum your fingers and stare at them as you wait for them to grasp the obvious)
How many years does it take for a solitary witch to change a light bulb?
> How long does it take to get one out of the closet?
How many years does it take a Kitchen Witch to change a light bulb?
> Already changed.
How many years does it take a White Light Wiccan to change a light bulb?
> Look deep within and find your true essence. That will tell you how long it will take.
How many Frost "School of Wicca" witches does it take to change a light bulb?
> "Just you! That's right, YOU! And for only $195 we'll send you our complete "Witches Magic Power of Light Bulb Changing Course" with real knowledge that you can apply this to ANY light bulb ANYwhere! Listen to the testimony of a young couple from Wisconsin who..."
How many Erisians does it take to change a light bulb?
> "How many have we got?"
How many Discordians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
> Five Tons.
How many Discordians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
> a blue fish Tueday.
How many Discordians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
> 2-One to hold a ladder and one to fill the bathtub with brightly colored east german machine tools.
(this one also works with any variation on How many surreliests..)
How many Wiccans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
> Four. One for each direction.
How many members of IOT does it take to screw in a lighbulb?
> Sorry, that ritual is copyrighted.
How many Proteans does it take to change a light bulb?
> I can't tell you--we never change a light bulb the same way twice! :}
How many Proteans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
> How many will fit?
How many Buckland witches does it take to change a light bulb?
> "Refer to my second book, "Practical Light Bulb Changing" by Raymond Buckland..."
How many Pagans does it take to change a lightbulb?
> Six. One to change it, and five to sit around complaining that lightbulbs never burned out before those damned Christains came along.
How many Thelemites does it take....
> None, Every One of them is a Star.
How many witches does it take to change a light bulb?
> What do you want it changed into?
How many witches does it take to screw in a light bulb?
> None, they do it in great rites.
How many Golden Dawners does it take to change a light bulb?
> One to hold the ladder, one to hold the bulb, three to decipher the Light Bulb Ritual from the Secret Chiefs, one to publish it, and one to sue all the others.
How many NRDers does it take to change a lightbulb?
> 14. One to do it, one to write poetry about it, and 12 to hold a Council and decide whether or not the poem's authentic.
How many Sex magicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
> They don't screw in lightbulbs, they screw on the altar!
How many Sex magicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
> Only two, but they have to be very small!
How many tantrics does it take to change a light bulb?
> 2 as long as the lamp is by the bed...
How many Cerimonial magicians does it take to change a light bulb?
> One. They hold it up, and the world revolves around them.
How many Kabbalists does it take to change a lightbulb?
> 261.
How many Aries does it take to change a light bulb?
> Only one, but it takes a hell of a lot of light bulbs.
How many Taurus does it take to change a light bulb?
> What, me move?
How many Gemini does it take to change a light bulb?
> 2
How many Cancer does it take to change a light bulb?
> Only one, but he has to bring his mother.
How many Leos does it take to change a light bulb?
> A dozen. One to change the bulb, and eleven to applaud.
How many Virgos does it take to change a light bulb?
> One to clean out the socket, one to dust the bulb, one to install, and two engineers to check the work.
How many Libras does it take to change a light bulb?
> Libras can't decide if the bulb needs to be changed.
How many Scorpios does it take to change a light bulb?
> None. They LIKE the dark.
How many Sagittarians does it take to change a light bulb?
> One to install the bulb, and a Virgo to pick up the pieces.
How many Capricorns does it take to change a light bulb?
> The light's fine as it is.
How many Aquarians does it take to change a light bulb?
> Have you asked the bulb if it WANTS to be changed?
How many Pisceans does it take to change a light bulb?
> What light bulb?
How many astrologers does it take to change a light bulb?
> "Don't ask me now, Mercury's retrograde!"
How many New Agers does it take to change a light bulb?
> Five. One to change it and four to share the experience!
How many New-agers does it take to change a light bulb?
> (in a flaky voice) We don't use light bulbs, we just think happy thoughts at our quartz crystals and they glow.
How many years does it take for a New-ager to change a light bulb?
> Well, it takes many many years, unless you pay $650 US non refundable, Visa or MC accepted. Then you can do it after the weekend intensive training seminar.
How many Boulderites (as in Boulder, CO, mecca of new agers) does it take to change a lightbulb?
> None. They just join self-help groups to learn to live with darkness in their lives.
How many Odinists does it take to change a lightbulb?
> 21, one to hold the light bulb, 20 to drink till the world spins
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Post by ursus on May 10, 2004 22:56:24 GMT 1
Oh well that sucked the life out of that one!
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Post by TheWatcher© on May 10, 2004 23:03:41 GMT 1
Whoops  Sorry URSUS, in my haste to share I've strangled the thread!! BTW did you like the selection of jokes? CCStoop©<br> sticks his big feet in yet again |
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Post by Jaxom on May 11, 2004 6:05:34 GMT 1
I thought it was an insiteful document detailing the varous Pagan paths open to a seeker....  Or did I miss something  Jax |
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Post by admin on May 11, 2004 10:58:19 GMT 1
What do you get when you cross a Zen Buddhist and a Druid?
Someone who worships the tree that is not there.
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Post by admin on May 11, 2004 10:58:34 GMT 1
What do you get when you cross a Zen Buddhist and a Druid
mathematician?
Someone who worships the square roots of the
tree that is not there.
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Post by admin on May 11, 2004 10:58:52 GMT 1
What do you get when you cross a Zen Buddhist and a Druid
veternarian?
Someone who worships the bark of the tree
that is not there.
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Post by admin on May 11, 2004 10:59:35 GMT 1
What's the difference between New Age and Pagan?
About £500.00 a weekend.
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Post by admin on May 11, 2004 11:03:04 GMT 1
Top 10 things to annoy a pagan:
10. Nice necklace. Are you Jewish??
9. No, then you must listen to Motley Crue, right? Not that, either? I know, it's a ... a ... Pentacost, right?
8. You guys really worship the devil, huh? Cool, I, like, listen to Black Sabbath, like, all the time, dude.
7. Oh, you're a Witch! I'm like, totally into, like, Goddess Consciousness. I sleep with a crystal every night, and have an Atlantean spirit guide. Will you teach me all the secrets of your religion?
6. I hear you Pagans do all your stuff in the nude. Wanna show me?
5. You will all burn in Hell. The Goddess is really Satan in drag. You don't believe in Satan? Boy, does he have you fooled!
4. Fascinating. I'm a sociologist; may I study you as a phenomena?
3. Do you really believe in all that nonsense?
2. You worship the Goddess? Poor thing; you obviously haven't heard about Jesus. Here, let me tell you...
And (drum roll, please):
1. You're a witch, huh? Well, I'm initated at a higher level than you. I was initated at the age of seven by my grandmother, who was the last of the Atlantean Trad Elvish Ninja Masters. I don't suppose YOU have any lineage.
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Post by eliphaslevi on May 11, 2004 19:20:24 GMT 1
The Mighty God Thor was riding across the skies on his fiery steed.
He raised his hammer and bellowed,
"I AM THOR! I AM THOR!" His steed looked up at him and muttered,
"You thoulda used your thaddle, thilly."
;D ;D ;D
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